Long story short, basically one of my coworkers was talking about how she just realized why she had been feeling down a few days earlier. The explanation she brought up was some bullshit about how her zodiac was hiding behind moon or some stupid shit like that. She was very proud with her explanation and I, without realizing it, had my temper reached the point of no return. When I left the office pantry to go back to work, I spontaneously shouted ‘BULLSHIT!’ It was a good thing that most of the people in that pantry thought I was just joking with my ‘antic’ and only a couple realized that I was truly angry back then.
So what happened back then does not come off easily from my mind. I kept asking what made me to do that. I’m a skeptic but I’m not an anarcho-skeptic on the same level of Penn and Teller. In fact I do enjoy talking about stuffs from the occult. Among my peers, I can (embarrassingly) be proud of myself for my deep knowledge in the esoteric so what forced me to be so irritated by such harmless discussion?
The reason is simple, I love those stuffs but there’s no guarantee I believe in the same subject. My interest in the occult and arcane is limited to my hobby, my desire, to learn more and more. I see them as nothing but another form of culture and as a person who loves to study history, they can act as a window to learn more about exotic and foreign culture and civilization. I also have nothing against those who practice esoteric ritual. For me, what they are doing is basically no different from preserving their culture. Another reason is maybe because those subjects inspire me in my story-writing hobby.
But what about my over reaction? Well, I have no beef against the subjects but for some reason I feel deep hatred, or perhaps disgust, to those who depend on such nonsensical things to explain their behavior. Maybe it’s more tolerable if the one who believes in it is from some tribe and it is part of his or her cultural heritage and not a member of biotechnology science lab that can be considered as a forerunner in the field of science. No, believing in it doesn’t trouble me much. What infuriates me is those who let things such as zodiacs, tarots, or other bullshit like that as a sole guidance to explain phenomenon in their lives and thus making them throwing the more scientific, rational, and simplest explanation out of the window.
Another event that correlates well with this incident took place one day before my rage. The same person was proudly announcing her explanation to the labmates. Of course I tried to contribute the proper explanation from psychological point of view. Maybe she was suffering from depression and stuffs like that but she automatically dropped the explanation down. She thought SUCH EXPLANATION WAS WAY MORE IMPROBABLE THAN THE STAR BEHIND MOON BULLSHIT. It was enough for me to walk away instantly in disgust. At that moment, the whole particle in that room feels as if it made of shit to the point where all my five senses couldn’t stand having to be present nearby such idiotic discussion.
Then again, I realize that I must look at things objectively. So instead of focusing on the ‘witch’ who startled my mood, I decided to look back to me, the main character. Maybe it has something to do with my personal experience. I grew up in a skeptic environment and since I was a kid, I was always taught to face my own weakness rather than blaming it down on some oogie-boogie. I’m also suffering from clinical depression, so this whole facing-my-weakness thing is much more important than just motivational words. Because of that, I began to learn about my weakness and in the end I can understand more about myself and face my own depression. But in this zodiac bullshit case, we have a person who rather than facing her own weakness and walk towards progress, prefers believing in something so nonsensical and absurd to pursuing the most logical explanation. I am fully aware that I’m in no place to get angry since there’s always the argument ‘but that’s her freedom to believe in that’ but it’s just like two people discussing about how their race is much intellectually superior near a person of different race. You can’t blame the other person if he or she ends up furious.
What happened back then truly opens up the big fat reality of our nature as the most advanced species on earth. We tend to be afraid in admitting our own weakness. Rather than being labeled as suffering from depression, we choose the explanation that involves something unseen that can be blamed without making us looks weak. Of course if I were to engage in debate she would explain to me about how it also happened to the same zodiac as hers and I would retaliate by explaining about Forer effect. However I can still guarantee she would rather to stick with Nostradamus’ explanation rather than logic and reason. After all, she felt secure in knowing there are other people like her with the same zodiac and the same problem rather than stand up alone and facing her own flaw. Or maybe all this wreck of emotional turmoil shows how much I’m allergic to idiots.